I am very much amused by the way women think before it happened to them: “I will not accept it, if he cheats on me I’m out. I don’t understand how she can live in the same house with him after finding about the things he used do with that woman, the places they used to go to and the lies he used to say.”
In theory this is perfect (we are all the same). But it comes the crazy and unexpected day when she finds messages, emails and other stuff. Or, her best friend gives her the big news: he is cheating on you. She will either refuse to believe or she will look carefully and notice that it is true– it happened to her, too.
– You son of a bitch are cheating on me. Take a look at the messages I have found. I know everything.
– It’s not true. You’re crazy!
– I’m not crazy, I called her too and she told me it is true. Shame on you, I don’t want to see you again! It all ends here!
– I am sorry, it was just a stupid thing to do, I only love you. You are my life, my soul, I don’t need anyone else. I promise I will end it with her. (This will happen when he is really sorry, if not – he just leaves and slams the door.)
Next comes the scene, the fight, tears and reproaches. She packs his bags, unpacks …she doesn’t know what to do. Some time ago she was so sure of herself that she could not accept something like this; she can’t go over it, she can’t even spend a minute with him.
What would you expect as a cheated woman? (I am generally speaking, I know you are a strong woman and you wouldn’t do this)
I will tell you – you want him to beg, to repeat a 1000 times a second he loves you, you want to feel he is sorry, you want him to block the door when you are leaving (although you know very well that you will not go or if you go, you are coming back) and the most important thing – you want him to call that woman, to , you want to hear him swearing, embarrass her, tell her how much he loves you and that she was just a slut, just an adventure.
– I will stay only if you call that woman and tell her exactly what I say.
– I won’t call her. I am done with her but I won’t embarrass me.
And the crazy starts:
– You are already playing the fool, you have no dignity. The things that I do for you … I gave up all that you didn’t like, I abandoned my friends, I never go out without you, I do your laundry, I iron your clothes. What more do you need? You very well know that you will never find someone like me, who will always be on your side supporting you, listening to you and fighting for the things you want. You are my number one priority and all things spin around you. What have I done wrong for you to do such a thing? I don’t deserve this.
1- you will never be better, there will always be others better than you – because this is life. No matter what you do, you can’t be the best. No matter how much you try to lie to yourself and fill his head with metaphors or comparisons – you remind him that you gave up I don’t know how many things just for him. But … stop for a while and think about it, who makes the rules? Who tells you how to act? Nobody. You do it because you want to. Him saying: “I wish it was true” does not alter your mind.
2- Compromises have a limit. If you, as a woman, do not have anything interesting in you, doing everything as he wants you to, as he likes it, when he wants it, you don’t even bother, you become as absent in this relationship as he is – it is normal to get to this. He definitely found someone who raises his interest. Generally speaking, a man does not look for others when he is deeply in love, if he is drown by you and he is afraid: “What am I to do if I lose her? What do I win if I go with another woman?”
3- You have done something wrong if it got here (you forgot about you, about him and about your relationship) or he simply does not deserve your love and this is the way he can be. Although I believe you have to see these things from the start, to know how much he likes to go out and his interest in having a normal relationship – just with you.
So, did he cheat on you? Do you feel awful? You don’t know what is happening to you and how to react? Give up the scene. In my opinion, there are two possibilities which are very clear:
Either you forgive him and politely and briefly explain things to him – acting like a lady. You tell him that this is the last time when you go over it; you close your eyes and consider this as a mistake. (But don’t forget, once you’ve done it, you can’t undone it). You raise your strength, force and diplomacy and you will never talk about the subject. Not even when you are extremely nervous or when things go bad between you and him. You forgave him so try to forget all about it. Even if the pain persists you have to accept that you’ve gone over it. You may punish him in any way you want – but not too much – no one is that patient, no matter the stake. You never get in touch with the “mistress” – this is the golden rule. She will be the loser, not you. Even though you know her telephone number by heart, even though all your friends tell you about the places she visits and the things she does, forget all about her. Imagine her kneeling (as she likes it) and you are standing. You don’t lose your dignity even for a second, at all. Go on, trying to change something (think about it and see what you’ve done wrong, look for the reasons that made him look for something else) and when it comes to the next mistake – you know that to do.
Either – take your bag, slam the door and leave. Without any explanation, request, not even a word. You finish it on the spot and go on with your life. Don’t expect messages, phone calls and surprises. Simple … but hard!