I am tired. I don’t write so often and this is making me nervous. I am nervous because of me, not because of anybody else. If I’d say I had very little time, maybe I could get rid of this feeling of guilt, but it’s useless, I know very well that when you really want something, you will find time for it. Anyway, I took my laptop and opened MS Word. I was in the mood for writing, but had no clue what about, just to put down some thoughts. This virtual sheet of paper can be a real pain. Typing makes me forget handwriting, few days ago I had to write an application and it was like writing three novels, I had to take a break and even to re-write it, it looked awful. Hoping for the inspiration to come, I decided for a press review, see the news and check what’s new on Facebook. Nothing seemed interesting, I was just reading the titles until… surprise! Something draw my attention. We, the ones who believe in God are now able to make online alms, diptyches and other religious actions. For a certain amount of money, you don’t have to go to church for praying or for the confession, all you have to do is to make a payment and “they”, meaning the ones who made the website will get your soul closer to the All-mighty. I am not in for churches at every corner of the street. I believe in God a lot, I know He is there helping us one way or another. There are few monasteries which I feel good visiting and I even feel their power and spirit upon me. After watching all sort of news about some priests (not all of them are included in the same flock), I can no longer let my head under their stole. I have all the respect for the ones who kept the way straight and even accept confessions free of charge, good for them!
First of all we have to take into account that the faith is nested in our soul and especially in our thoughts. I see old women coming to church every Sunday just for gossiping Monday morning they are sinning and so on. Is true that we are all sinners, one way or another, with or without intention. Personally I won’t distort my personality just for the sake of going to a holly place in order to make an impression and being like the rest of the herd. How can you sleep at night, you who are fasting for six weeks while smoking, drinking, doing drugs, swearing and having sex? What is your idea of fasting? Maybe it only means to give up eating meat, eggs and cheese for a while. You’d rather be fasting for one or two days only, but doing it properly instead of pretending you’re doing it all along. I am not talking about the ones who are doing it right, there’s nothing to argue about and I take a bow in front of them.
I’d like to get more into details, but is not fair to talk publicly about some people’s life without having their consent. I’ll just say that if you’re a nun or even a mother superior you should use your knees while praying not for other activities. God forgive me, but what’s the purpose of all these? For me, there is no greater sin than this, to pretend you love Him and worship Him while you are just doing an act even in the holly house of God. Yes, I am shocked and maybe I have no right, but no matter how insignificant my blog is, I know there are still few people who are reading it. I’d be glad if they would argue with me and come with a better idea. I am human and I make mistakes, I sin and I admit it. I love God and maybe I don’t pray every night, maybe I go to a church not often enough, but many times I raise my eyes to the sky and I know He is there. I shall never be a hypocrite or a pretender in anything related to Him. You, the ones who falsely charge some poor people and force them to pay money for these services which should be rendered freely of any charge are one hundred times more sinners than the rest of us, the ones who come to confess in front of you. There are more to be said about this delicate subject which will always raise contradictions.