Soul

That moment when you want some peace, when your head is just whizzing, you can not see well, you stop hearing things and you can’t even more your lips. The pain in the heart is the greatest. Failure is killing you and logic is paradoxical. We are so good at giving advice and guiding. We know what is good, how to do good and which is the easiest way – when it comes to someone else. What happens when it comes to you, your person, yourself, your soul? Where is the reason? Where did you leave the correct thinking and the sense of reality?

 

If you listen to a mathematician, the soul does not even exist. It is not an organ, nor an object, it can not be touched and it doesn’t even smell. How can we define something no one has ever seen, something which has never been studied? In the same time, this is what it hurts the most. There is no medicine for souls and there will never be one. Maybe just a balm: time.

 

The chest pain can destroy you, in a couple of days, weeks, months. It is a disease you can live with –disease of the soul – the one with no treatment. You keep a low profile and gather within you all sort of feelings. Uncried tears go there – in your soul. No matter who you are, no matter how strong you think you are, no matter the safety and self control that you have– you fall, when you can not hold on.

 

What is better? To let your mind decide or your soul? What is easier? Mind functions independently of the soul but the soul is involuntarily connected to your thoughts.

 

Why can’t you be rational in certain situations and other times you are able to decide in seconds?

 

Why can you accept certain things in a specific moment, till the day comes and you can not do this anymore?

 

When do you stop?

 

How do you know you’ve reached the end?

 

How can you know when you will be able to go over it, over issues that do not let you sleep?

 

How can you find a floating line? The line between the heart and brain?

 

How can you give up your own happiness for other people’s happiness?

 

How can you build your peace with so many issues?

 

How can you fight although you know you will lose?

 

How can you want something when you know you can’t have it?

 

How can you say you can’t even though you want to do it?

 

How can you give up although you know you will not be able to?

 

How can you accept although you know you will suffer?

How can you think normally? How can you be consistent?

 

How can you stop being selfish? Not love yourself, not to take into account your own person and learn to give up – to give from you – for you and others.

 

Ideas, desires, ideals – where do all go when you have to conform?

 

Who can help you decide what is good, for your soul, for your peace and way of thinking? Who can guide you? Who can feel what you feel? Who can understand where you are? Why and how did you get there?

 

You call and talk. You receive opinions, advice, and all– come together, like a mechanism: do this, do that, don’t listen. You have a coffee, with your head bowed and tears in your eyes and listen: you are, you can, you will do it, and you will succeed. And you really succeed for the following minutes, hours, days, depending on the case and person. You feel powerful, you feel undefeated, and you have finally found your answers. It will pass. This state always passes. And what do you do in those moments when you are alone? When you take a shower, when you drive, when you read (actually you read your own thoughts and not the book you are holding) and especially when you put your head to rest … when you turn off the light, you wrap yourself in the blanket and close your eyes. Anyway, you shut your eyes for nothing, you lie to yourself for nothing, you try for nothing and you change sides … for nothing … it is all for nothing. It hurts, something that can not be cured: your soul!

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