The shadow

After analyzing my behavior and the behavior of many people around me, after many tries to understand some things, actions or talks, I took a break to put order into my mind. What darkens our judgment sometimes? What makes us talk dirty about that “whore” who “f…s” all people, about “that good for nothing” who only knows how to spend his parents’ money or even more about the ones who succeed in a way or another, about the “ones who got there” based on their parents’ connections, or because they bribed or other kind of invented reasons…?

Let’s recap.

You are sitting at a table with your friends and a “good one” passes by. Long legs, perfect hair, designer clothes, perfect attitude. The talk starts: “Look at that one, there is for sure a man giving her money”, “Can’t you see her ugly nose…and the way she walks as if she has a stick up her ass”. Even the most beautiful woman in the room, after being analyzed, is to be seen as the worst kept woman.

When you head to the parking lot and you finally find your car, you use your key to open it, you bother to start it and some woman crosses your path in a car saying “ “Mertan”…the latest fashion. She even wears sunglasses … all is perfect. You start swearing, and: “Fucking whore, I am smarter and clever than her. She fooled a man to buy her this car. Only if all whores would disappear from Earth to make room for intelligent people”.

You get home. When entering the building you meet the flower delivery boy. Your heart beats faster and you wait for him to say something. You already think about the vase you are going to put the flowers in. Who might have sent them? It doesn’t matter … you approach him and try to initiate a conversation. Suddenly he addresses you: “Miss X, apartment Y”. You think once again to all kind of unorthodox words, you imagine that blond woman opening the door dressed in a silk gown just to take the flowers. But, to stop hurting yourself, you get to the conclusion that she is fake, hypocrite and it won’t last for long. After a short period of time only sincere girls will receive flowers, just the ones who deserve it … girls like you.

You enter the house, look in the mirror and admire yourself. The diplomas on the walls make you think about how clever you are and the bright future you have ahead. You take your laptop and start to navigate. In fact … you check her profile trice a day, you can’t stand her and you know she dresses “badly”, that even if she brags with her designer clothes, they are all fake; when you hit the places button on her profile you learn about geography; she has 10 times more friends than you but she is still a stupid whore. You know very well how she got there, that she doesn’t deserve all that and she doesn’t have any real friends. You are better than her, fewer but better friends. Here goes the Whatsapp conversation: “Have you seen that girl? Did you see the skirt she was wearing in the picture she took yesterday? And the way she’s dyed her hair. Hahah…” Poor girl … you said all kind of things about her; you’ve lost your time with her. And you should ask yourself the question: What is she doing now? Is she speaking about us? Definitely not.

Your time is precious. Envy clouds your judgment. By shading other people’s qualities you only manage to emphasize your frustrations. I believe I heard this saying for a million times: I have never envied anybody. I have never wanted to be in other people’s shoes. I don’t want to have more than I already have. Dear people, I do. I have envied, I wanted to be like her/him and I daily want more. I want to be “the best” and the most beautiful, I want to have the latest fashion car, I want to receive flowers and dress designer clothes. But wanting these things doesn’t mean I hate the people around me who got them. Not even for a second. It doesn’t mean that when I meet my friends I try to smack someone in the head because he or she is better than me. Good for him/her! I try my best to gather my strength and overcome that. Envy is a normal thing but it is a positive envy. I can’t solve my problems by bringing someone into his/her knees. I could only make a full out of myself. If that person can and I can’t it means I didn’t try hard enough and this doesn’t make her a whore, or a stupid, nor a fake, nor an illiterate … Look at you, analyze yourself. Try to evolve and grow by learning from the ones who can do more, who achieved more. Don’t create shadows and frustrations inside you. This stops you to get where you want to. Learn to be honest with yourself and take the best from people around you. Stop judging people without thinking first.

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