Title – absent

14 Mar, 2014

I said it so many times but I will say it again: sometimes we are so different that we are alike. It sounds strange, I know, but I’ve reached the conclusion that we can create categories to catalogue people. One more than another but exactly the same stereotype. Women can be sluts, easy to take home and be kept as sweethearts or just mistresses. Men like sluts; they are weak, powerful, naive or dominators. There are many kinds of friends: real ones , friends for life, coffee friends or simply: nothing.

We put everyone in a category whether we like it or not. Wheels spin and we label. I don’t know if this works for everybody from the start, but someone once said that first impression matters. This could be true … I changed mine many times but finally I got in the same place. Characters are also different from the best to the worst. So, I’ve heard “I hate perverts”so many times that it seems to be taken from a book. Firstly stop and see if you have ever been pervert with somebody: your boss, your colleague, your friend or others. I can answer it for you: YES. Let’s leave perfection aside and be honest. As long as we are made of the same material, we have the same basic things: legs, eyes, mouth and ears, it is rather difficult to be different and not do the things all people do. “Oh God, I’ve always spoke my mind, I have nothing to hide”– I think I heard this a thousand times. He turned his back and said: “Fuck her, she is so damn stupid!” and so on. Ehee…people are bad, but I am the only one who is not.

Overall, we are the same in different situations. We do things in another way; we express ourselves differently and we act a little differently. I have always admired calm people and I wish I was more patient in different situations, to maintain my blood pressure and think clearly. I tend to believe that this is a genetic feature or it depends on the experience gained. I am permanently agitated, I have to do as many things as I can at the same time, doing nothing is a “serious danger” to my mental health!

Some people are slower or nicely put: more patient. They sometimes gain but there are times when I feel the urge to strangle them. “I have to think about it”, “I am not sure”, “Let’s see”. And I go: how much? Why? Until?.  I know that sometimes I am tiring and annoying, but people, I believe that we don’t have time to sleep. These days, things happen FAST. I know that this isn’t exactly correct; I know we run from place to place like robots but what can we do? This is how all things function. And I wonder, is it possible that those who take their time in analyzing things had something more to gain? Or those who finish things before a deadline have time to do other things too, to do the next step?

The thing killing me slowly but surely: uncertainty. I consider myself a rational person, who quickly analyzes things and makes a decision. Sometimes I may be wrong but it is not something that can not be fixed or which you have nothing to learn from. Waiting for an answer kills me. Many times, when I had to wait for a phone call, an email or a message to get an answer– eh, those times the blood in my body had 10 times the speed. I checked my phone a thousand times, I sent a message: “I am waiting for your answer”, I tried to think at something else, but without use. I can not change. I am always under the impression that I do things the best, that I am the only one to have a conversation and to address a problem. This is wrong because I am not some kind of god or a genius.

There were many times when during meetings I had to be quiet because the person I was with had bigger rights, was older or more experienced. I was nervously stamping my feet, rubbing my hands and trying to say with my eyes: “Don’t forget this aspect”, “Make him remember this” and examples can go on. I know this isn’t exactly right. My poor mother told me so many times to calm down, to wait, and not get nervous. But what to do when you feel YOU could do better than anyone else?

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